Monday, June 27, 2011

The screaming has stopped!

I waited until this day came to write this. This exciting, wonderful day. June 27, 2011! I just couldn't write it until I knew there would be a perfect, happy ending. Today, Ethan Bryant Orlando made his debut into our family. He is perfect, and sweet, and snuggly, and so darn cute you just can't stand it, and he has been a long time coming! Ten days past his due date, this blessing of a 2nd healthy grandchild means more than I can ever relate to you in writing. If you have read some of my previous blogs, you already know his background, so I won't bore you with the details again, but.......I do need to get a few of these residual feelings out of my system, and now that I can breathe deeply, let me tell you.

Paige's second trip to Centennial Hospital, via ambulance, to save her life from a second pericardial effusion, was a nightmare for me. There are many moments, during the next six days of my life, that I remember, but the one thing in particular that stayed in my mind, was the sound of screaming, or what I thought was screaming.

Because this was to be a recheck from her original heart procedure we were not expecting this second emergency trip. Clyde and I took her to this Dr. appointment so that her husband Jason would not have to miss work again. When the Dr. said, I've got an ambulance waiting, you need to get to Centennial as soon as possible. Fear settled in my bones. Paige started to cry as she was loaded up and we were off! My heart pounding with fear, and my mind spinning out of control with all of the "what if" worried thoughts, I felt like my insides boiling were over and I heard screaming. I can remember thinking to myself, "is that me? I need to stay in control and be calm for Paige. I shouldn't be screaming out loud". I looked over at the ambulance driver to apologize and she appeared not to have heard me. She was concentrating on weaving in and out of I-65 traffic. I was gritting my teeth and silently cursing the idiots that would not move their vehicles to the shoulder out of our way and I kept hearing that screaming over and over! I finally realized that what I was hearing, was the sirens echoing off overpasses and concrete barriers. To me, it sounded exactly like a woman screaming! It sounded, exactly how I felt! When the "what if" thoughts took over, I couldn't bear it. If my child and her child..... well, I still can't bear to think of it.

The screaming stayed with me. Through the days and months of Dr. appointments and waiting, I could not get that sound out of my mind. Paige did get better, and after each Dr. appointment we left with encouraging news, and yet, as she told me so plainly when she began the early stages of labor, "until I see him and hold him against my chest, I cannot be sure that he has not been affected by all of this." I understood, but in a different manner. I watched my child recovering from her illness but i knew she would never fully recover, until she held her child against her chest and saw that he was OK.

After months of worry, despair, silent screaming and lots of prayer, Monday, June 27, 2011 at 5:25pm, Clyde and I, witnessed our daughter give birth to her son. He was perfect and she was finally, fully recovered! Today, Paige and Ethan are healthy, and adjusting to their lives as a family of three. Today, the screaming has stopped.

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